P D ??

I don't know why but recently, my body has been acting weird. I realized this when i was playing pool with my college mates. I was playing my 4th game that day and suddenly when i was about to break the table, my left hand started to shake, I thought it was nothing so i just continued playing. A day after the incident, i found myself in the kitchen practical class cutting some tomatoes. When i was dicing the tomato, suddenly the tremors came back and i almost cut my left index finger. I got scared and asked my friend if she sees the shaking in my left hand, Eventhough i was feeling the shaking, she said that there's nothing shaking. 4 days have passed after that incident and no tremors came. But i'm still scared that it might be something big. Is it PD ?? Should i go to the clinic?? What to do ??

The call that brought my confidence to an all time zero !

last night, i called my crush to confess to her about my feelings.  I was planning on telling her straight but when i hear the beeping sound of the phone, i reconsidered. But before i got a chance to hang up the phone she picked up and when i heard the beautiful voice of hers, i chickened out. Because i called her and i can't tell her why i called, i lied and said i just want to ask something about the assignment that my lecturer gave me. She gladly helped me but the more we talked the more confident i got. After more than an hour of small talks, i said to her that enquiring about the assignment was not the real reason i called. And right at the moment after i told her that i liked her and asked her if she would become my girlfriend, i knew that i've done a horrible mistake. To make things worst, there was a long pause. I think that was the longest pause of my life because in that moment of silence, i know that shes never going to accept it. We had only became friends for 3 weeks and in that period i have just went out with her only once but my weak heart had fallen for her. I know if i keep it like the way it was i will never had a chance because she will think that i only befriended her because i wanted to be her boyfriend which is not! After the freaking long pause, she said ''taktau'' which means dunno. At that exact moment, my heart just sank and i thought that it will never beat again. But then the sound of her voice came again saying that she really does'nt know. Those words brought back to my life because the foolish me thought that there is still hope but then she gave away the killer blow saying that she is in somewhat of a relationship with someone else.  Like the killer blow wasn't enough, she gave me a kick in the balls saying that i think we should just be friends which in my head translates to "i don't like you so i'm rejecting you.''. If u thought the worst was over, well it didn't. I was rejected a couple of times before. The aftershock of rejection always hits me a few minutes after i finished the call. But comparing my old rejections with this is like comparing an ant with an elephant. Right after the kick in the gut line, i know i fucked it and i just put on a cover and talked calmly to show her that i wasn't that dissapointed. Do you know the saying ''my heart was shattered into a million pieces.'' well take that and multiply it by 100. IT WAS THAT FUCKING PAINFUL TO HEAR THOSE WORDS. Somehow i managed to end the call without showing any sadness of me being sad about the rejection. After that i went to the toilet and looked in the mirror, i stared at the image of the person inside it. Well it was me of course but it was like the image of myself was mocking me. I felt that i was like a fucking loser who could not even have a girlfriend. I kept thinking people always says that there's always more fish in the ocean but somehow i think im on the summit of Mount Everest, freezing away to death ALONE.

My Holiday in UK

Just got back from my holiday there. I went to London with my dad at first then after 2 days we met up with my mother and her friends after their trip from oslo. I visited alot of places like Stonehenge, Eye of London, London Bridge, Madame Tussauds and etc. The holiday should've been spectacular but because of my mom's friends, it was horrible. I had to cope up with their ramblings and i have to constantly help carry their freaking heavy bags up to their rooms when we're at an inn or a bed and breakfast. Once, i had to carry 2 20kg+ bags up 4 sets of stairs. There is also the constant singing in the minibus, you will think that its not that bad but 1 of the aunties have a voice that would make frogs sound like angels. And the worst is that i have to follow them shopping, that does'nt sound bad right? But 8 52 year old aunties sure can shop, once in bicester village, they shopped from 11 a.m till 7 p.m. My legs were like jelly after that day and it still hurts as i'm typing this post. But overall i had quite a fun time there, i celebrated my sis's birthday over there and i even met christine, my classmate when i was walking at oxford street. Well this shows that this world is truly a small world. Then when i got back in Malaysia they checked each and every passenger onboard the plane for swine flu. None of us had it though. Then when i got home i was greeted by my lovely cat, sugar.

My 1st PosT

Hello.. My 1st post !! Ermm dunno wat to write here so im leaving it like dis..

Peace ouT ~